Don't act like everything is in control 😓

That way, maybe everything will start to be within my control. This was what I thought on July 10, 14:29. I had just woken up from a five-hour sleep, while every normal human being seemed to be working or spending time wisely or maybe they don’t have things in control either, but at least they try to make lemonade out of their lemons.

I guess I’d be right if I said things have never really been in control for me, not with any minute I’ve spent on earth. Childhood was another story .when smiles were just smiles, tears were just tears, and life was only about sleeping and waking up.

Don’t be deceived when people say journaling and writing down goals bring you a step closer to your dreams. Because really what’s the essence of writing words when there’s no action in sight?

I crave changes that last. I wake up every day and see it as a chance to take a step ,not even a whole walk, just a step toward everything I dream of, only for the day to end without me making a move.

“You are the one thing stopping yourself.” I know I’m the only one holding myself back. But what I don’t know is how to stop stopping myself. (I hope that’s correct but more importantly, I hope it makes sense.)

Instead, I pretend. I pretend to have everything under control. I pretend I don’t love sleeping — because only lazy people do, right? I pretend I don’t love food — because I used to think food makes people fat. I pretend not to be a fan of social media ,until MTN denied me the chance to borrow data again.

I pretend like I’m closer to Allah , acted like I pray all five daily prayers. But truthfully, there has never been a single day without missing one or two. I pretend not to love straight dresses, but that’s only because I get bloated after every meal. At this stage, I could honestly win any audition for “Best Actress in the Art of Pretending.”

So, if you’re reading this take it as a sign: You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to act like everything is under control. Let the tears out. Laugh like you're being awarded for it.

To be real, I don’t know how to film the final episode of my pretentious era ,but maybe, just maybe, coming clean is a good start. A really good start. But the question still lingers in my mind: Is the right change really anywhere around this space?

Fateehah 😐

Let me just smile 😊 maybe the next post will come with a wider teeth.